Life or something like it..

Graduation...

2010-05-04T00:42:00.001-07:00

The realization of graduation being this weekend and moving out of my apartment/Pullman for good just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I know I'm ready to leave, but at the same time, I don't feel like I'm ready for this at all.

Why...

2010-03-31T21:47:00.000-07:00

Whenever I decide to take charge of my life, do other people like to shit all over it so my plans don't work?

I've fallen off the wagon. I have so many things to do and not enough time to do them all. Should I be on here writing this? No, but I'm sick of trying to come up with ideas. My week was already bad enough, then someone royally effed it up. I don't have a break from doing school work until Saturday night, only cause I'm supposed to have a cast party. Then it's back to doing work straight up until I leave for Vegas.

I honestly don't want to know how I'm going to get everything done between now and graduation. I'll never sleep it seems. Seriously, it sucks. I'm excited to be done with college because my life won't be consumed by papers, scripts, research, group projects, editing.... I'll have hours to devote to myself! 38 days! And 30 til my birthday, woohoo!

Priorities...

2010-03-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

Motivation sure can make you rearrange what you make important in your life. This entire semester I've spent going out with friends and doing homework late into the night. Well, realizing how soon April 9th is, you could say my ass got kicked into gear. I've shifted my priorities from my friends and school work to myself. Isn't it weird how often we forget about ourselves? You don't want to make your friends mad so you go out with them even when you don't really feel like it. It's been drilled into your head to do well in school so you focus solely on that.

Well, for the rest of the semester, I'm done. I'm not saying done completely, but I'm coming first. Tonight my friend wanted to go to dinner but I didn't want to

be tempted to not eat well the 3rd day of doing this. So I kindly said no maybe another time, I was busy. I came home and made that delicious salad. Everyone should make their own pesto! It's so easy and delicious. After that, I should've started an essay due tomorrow. However, I finally uncovered my Nordic track that's been unseeable all semester and worked out. It felt really good.

I watched a video that said if you really want to drop pounds and be able to see it, you need to work out 5-6 days for 30 minutes, plus do some weights. Of course eat healthy as well. So, since I didn't work out yesterday, I need to keep it up the rest of the week. However, I forgot the natural high your body gets from working out and it's a feeling I missed. A feeling I want to have every day. It's good.

Kate Beckinsale in a bikini is always good motivation, her body looks a lot more normal that those stick thin actresses.

Las Vegas!

2010-03-22T23:52:00.000-07:00

Well, not only do I have a speech that I want to get in better shape for. I am now going to be spending a week in Las Vegas for an internship with Sony to show their new equipment at the National Association of Broadcasters convention in Las Vegas! It's really exciting, the whole trip is paid for. That, however, is April 9th... really effing soon!!

So, I seriously need to get hardcore about this. I hate how busy my final month of school is. I really need to plan out when everything is due and schedule around that. Sometimes, I wish there were more hours in a day. I'd be able to get a lot more done. I need to look at the time I'm not doing anything though and utilize that time to be productive.

Here's a video for the recipe for the salad I talked about in my last post, so delicious and so easy!

One month...

2010-03-21T01:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I forget about this thing way too easily. This semester is insanely busy. I'm writing and directing a scripted TV show for the school's cable channel and that feels like a full time job most weeks in addition to school. Easy last semester.... yeah right.

Anyway, I'm going to at least for the next month be really good at writing in this. Why? Because, in one month I will be speaking in front of a lot of people at a donor dinner and I want to wear a particular dress. Do I have dresses that fit just fine now? Yes. Do I want to wear those? Eh, not really. This is the dress I want to be in:

Yeah, wore it to prom senior year. Simple black dress. That halter band is actually removable and I want to wear it without the halter part for the dinner. Can I get the dress on? Yes... however, it doesn't fit like it used to. Go figure... that's what four years of drinking at college will do to you I guess.

So, with other things in life just becoming ridiculous, I've decided with my final time at college I'm going to focus only on myself. Well, and school ha, need to graduate still. But for the next month I will be working out everyday and eating better. I'm really busy but I'm going to make this work. Which is why, I'm going to give up my beloved sleep to wake my ass up early and get working out done in the morning. No excuses of things popping up later like they have been this semester.

My plan is to do the Nordictrak most days in the morning. Then I'll do strength exercises as well. On days I have more free time, I want to go to the rec center as well. I'm totally into getting this done. It helps when you have a goal... oh and when you're a little vain and want to look good in a dress in front of a lot of people.

The second, and honestly most important, part of the next month is eating well. I've always known how I should eat. It's just expensive and takes time to prepare. So with spending my days on campus, I find the excuse to eat up there. Not good. I've dieted enough times to know the things that I like and that I don't really get sick of. The hardest part is going to be to cut down/out drinking. Those 11 beers in one night aren't helping anything... at all. It'll be hard because I know most of my friends will want to go out for our last month in college. But, I'm going to limit myself to one night of drinking and light drinking at that. I'm sure there will be nights I won't follow this, but I really am going to try. Eating well won't mean anything if I follow it with pints of beer and mixed drinks.

So, after a trip to Costco before coming back and going to the store tonight, I'm prepared to begin the eating healthy. I've planned out most meals and snacks. Breakfast will be eggs. They're good, have protein and keep you full longer. Lunch will be turkey (my mom found delicious turkey from Costco, it's the best store bought turkey I've eaten) and cottage cheese and carrots. Dinner, for the first little while, will be salad. I made this salad two summers ago and it's delicious. It's just lettuce, chicken with a little pesto and mayonnaise, celery, and tomato. So good! For snacks, I have fruits, vegetables, yogurt and pita chips. I'm also cutting out all soda, including diet. I'll be drinking water and a glass of milk everyday.

Really, it seems fairly simple written out. However, everyone knows that applying everything to that hectic schedule we call life is no where near as easy. So, I'll be putting down my progress in here or things I find inspirational along the way.

Can't go wrong with Kate Beckinsale for inspiration:

Fencing...

2010-01-14T15:59:00.000-08:00

Yes, that fencing. My friend and I are taking a class this semester on fencing. I guess the reason I took it was because it seemed mildly entertaining and pretty damn easy. Well, who knew that fencing was such a good workout.

Today we spent most the class in a squat position going back and forth across the gym floor. Then, when we weren't doing that, we were doing lunges. It was a half hour straight of squats and lunges. Can you say incredibly tired legs?? They're already sore, I don't even know what tomorrow will feel like.

All I can say, is doing this all semester is definitely going to tone up my legs and I am quite happy with that. Not only will my legs be toned but I'll be able to know how to fence someone... if that occasion ever arises in my life, ha.

Fresh start...

2010-01-11T18:22:00.001-08:00

So, I'm back at school and today was the first day of my new eating plan. I guess you would call what I'm doing right now a detox. I got it from the book The Fat Smash Diet by Dr. Ian Smith. He used to be part of that show celebrity fit club. Anyway, for 9 days you basically eat fruits and vegetables, brown rice, beans and yogurt. And you drink all the water you want. Eating that gets all the bad stuff out of your body. And I've got to say after the last break, I just feel gross. So I think doing this will be good. Now I'm not going to continue on and follow that complete plan in the book. I'll do similar stuff but that restricts a lot for awhile. And you know, as a college student, I don't have all the time/money in the world to eat a certain way. I also can't see cutting alcohol completely out of my diet. I know it would be for the best, but it's my last semester at college. I'm going to have fun, but definitely going to try to cut back on the amount I drink.

I know it sounds like you can't eat much on this but it's really not bad. Right now I'm cooking lentil soup. You can eat rice and beans. Oh yeah, you can have tofu too, I just don't like it all that much so I'm not going to eat it. All the salad you want. I mean, it's just super healthy foods for you. The one thing I'm happy about is my friends here agree about not being as healthy as they want. So they're also trying to eat better and work out more.

After dinner, I'm going out with some friends to walk then come back and do a work out video. We're avoiding the school's gym because it's insanely packed with everyone getting to work on their new years resolutions. We'll be there in 2 weeks when most people give up with the resolutions.

Anyway, we'll see how this goes.

I've decided another goal for this year is to keep my apartment clean/organized better than I have. I feel like I'm going to do some spring cleaning this week and really go through all my stuff and throw out things I don't need. I wish I could rearrange my apartment but it's super small so I'm not quite sure it'd work any other way.

Only had one class today, but tomorrow I'm in class from noon-7pm with no breaks. We'll see how that goes.

Work it out...

2010-01-04T22:16:00.001-08:00

Well, working out is what I need to get back to. One thing I hate about break is how much less I move around. I walk all over the place at school, home, I walk from upstairs to downstairs? Yeah... so I need to get back on the work out wagon.

If you don't haven't been to the site, self.com, is a great website that has a bunch of free tools/videos. I'll probably be posting lots of videos from there, hopefully after I've tried them. However, this one I haven't tried yet but I plan on it tomorrow.

Hello 2010...

2010-01-01T23:36:00.000-08:00

I'm not sad to see 2009 go. It was a year that was full of ups and downs. My grandma died. I got the internship I wanted and spent a summer living in Los Angeles. Experienced some new things with new people, both good and bad. All in all, I learned a hell of a lot. I have no real regrets from 2009, but I'm definitely going to take things I learned and hopefully not repeat the same mistakes. With that said, I'm leaving quite a few things behind in 2009. My goal is to leave certain people and habits in 2009, we'll see how that goes.

I don't think you can say I have any real resolutions for 2010. I don't like resolutions much because they just seem like they are things meant to be broken or not completed. However, I do have a list of things I hope to accomplish in 2010, which in my mind is entirely different than resolutions. These are just life goals and this is the year to make them happen.

1. I'm graduating in May, which is actually a really exciting, sad and scary thought all at the same time. I'm looking forward to going back next week but at the same time it'll be sad knowing this is the last semester I'll be spending with people I've spent the last four years with. So with graduating, I have a goal of finding myself a relatively good job in the field I want in Los Angeles. Ha, kind of high hopes. To go with that goal, I hope I have enough money saved to move down there with my friend Michael.

2. Write and finish my script. I have the idea, I have characters, I have some plot lines. I just need to get to it and start putting it all down on paper. I'm going to schedule a time of day that's dedicated to writing. If I want to be a writer it needs to be a daily habit. I'm taking a creative writing class and I think that'll help me stay motivated and challenged writing.

3. Lose weight. See this isn't a resolution because I've been saying it for the past how many years? It's just something I need to fucking do already. I have better motivation this year I think though. I was informed I'll be a bridesmaid in a little over a year, so yeah, I refuse to be the fat one in someone's expensive wedding photos. My graduation present is going to New York and I really want to be in shape for that. If for nothing else, to be able to go shopping and know I can walk into any store and can try anything on. Also, must find a job. It’s a sad truth, but how you look can greatly influence that. Your looks are someone’s first impression of you so it makes sense to look as good as I can as I’m job hunting. Not only does it help people’s first impression of me, but obviously my confidence would be higher.

I think those are really my main goals for 2010. Of course I want other things to happen but I don’t see those as goals. Life will happen as life chooses to happen. The only thing I can hope is for me to be open to things and not make stupid decisions.

I’m optimistic for this year, I seem to say this about every year. For some reason, I believe what I’m saying this time more. Maybe it’s because it’s an entirely new decade. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Oh, I guess one more goal is to write in here more. I kept saying that but I never did. So now I will. Not everyday, lets not be crazy. But at least a few times a week.

Here’s to a great 2010!

Life...

2009-11-19T23:47:00.001-08:00

sure has a way to change quickly. And go by entirely too fast. I'm in absolute shock that it's already Thanksgiving break. That means there's a month before my last Christmas break, insane. I really need to keep this updated more. I think having a place to release my everyday thoughts/rants would be helpful. Plus, it'd be nice to look back on down the road.

Well, with my previous posts of starting that new food outlook.... yeah, fail. Being a poor college kid makes eating healthy hard. Also, being stuck up on campus for long periods of time makes it hard to not eat fast food of some sort. I hate excuses. Of course I could find a way to make it work but it'd be hard. My goal for next year is to really plan things out. I think that's a problem, I don't plan anything. Maybe it's senioritis. I just don't have much effort to do anything. Hopefully it's a phase that'll be over soon.

So I told myself this was going to be a year where I worked on myself. And in the last month, I've done some things I really didn't think I would do or allow myself to do. I was open to a lot of new things. Felt new feelings. And to be blunt, was so afraid of what was happening that I royally fucked it up. And I really wish I could take things back but you can't. And I don't think it should've happened differently to be honest. Because I've learned more from this than I ever imagined. I now understand how something you do that you think doesn't matter can hurt someone else. And I now know what it truly feels like to be hurt. Does the situation suck? Of course it does, but I was finally able to open myself up to a situation where I had to put myself out there. And I know I can do it again and I've learned it is worth it to be completely honest with yourself and everyone else. You can only lie to yourself so long. So while most people seem to see the situation as a negative, I see it as a positive. I've learned so much and grown so much in such a short period of time. I feel I took a huge step forward and now can't imagine what I'd be like if that last month hadn't of happened.

Oh, and I now have a new outlook on songs... like this one... feel it perfectly sums up my life right now, haha.

Tegan and Sara - Call It Off from Ashley Brown on Vimeo.

So busy...

2009-09-16T15:24:00.001-07:00

I know in the last post I said no excuses but man... this week is just ridiculously busy. Being in class all day then closing at work seriously leaves you with no time. Which is why I'm putting my two weeks in next week. I've realized I really need to focus on myself and quitting will help with that.

Anyway, so to do this better body thing it will of course revolve around eating right and exercise. For the eating right part, I'm going by what it's the book Naturally Thin: Unleash Your Skinny Girl and Free Yourself From a Lifetime of Dieting by Bethenny Frankel.

Yes, she is from the Real Housewives of New York but this book is actually really good. I'll go through it's main points throughout several posts. The first chapter is "Your Diet is a Bank Account." When I first read this I was like wtf does that mean? And now I think it's the most logical thing I've ever heard diet related. Here's an excerpt from the chapter:

"Just as you balance your spending and savings, you must balance your food choices. Don't eat too much of any one thing, don't eat the same thing twice, balance starches with proteins, vegetables and fruits with sweets, and always balance a splurge with a save. This balance is approximate - but it works, and it works without counting, measuring, or obsessing."

Is that not so completely logical it's almost ridiculous? And when I look at what I eat, it's not balanced at all. It's a lot of carbs/starches. A few vegetables here and there, and protein every now and again. Talk about an imbalance. The thing that I love about this though is it's not like a diet. You can eat whatever you want, you just have to balance it out later. Nothing is ever off limits.

But let me tell you, it's easy to understand this, not as easy to follow it. I mean it can be, but I really need to get my ass to the store to do this. Do you notice how starches/carbs are the things that can live in your pantry for months? So when you run out of vegetables/fruits, you still have those to fall back on. Yeah, not too good. So tomorrow I'm going to the store to stock up on salad and veggies. However, while I haven't been following this yet, I have been thinking about it. I've seen how my choices aren't working or I've changed what I would normally get to try and balance it the best I could. What I'm planning on my typical day of food looking like is:

Breakfast: Eggs

Lunch: Sandwich

Dinner: Salad or Soup

Ha, super simple but so many possibilities with each. You can easily change lunch and dinner too. I love throwing together a new salad. I'm one of those people who never thinks a salad is boring. So yeah, I'm going to look up some recipes for things to make.

I would definitely recommend buying the book though, it's really insightful. I'll be posting more of the little tips and tricks it has in there.

Now start realizing how much food debt you're in and get to balancing it!

Epiphany of sorts...

2009-09-14T23:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, so have you ever noticed that some of the most simple things/statements can cause the biggest epiphanies? Maybe it's just me. But I had one last week and it was kind of really eye opening. I was at a training where groups of students would come to my station and I'd show them how to use field equipment. While talking, one girl stops me and says "Oh my god, you have the most perfect eye brows I've ever seen." And I just said "Thanks, pluck 'em basically everyday." Cause it's kind of awkward thing to respond to. Then later in the week at a shoot another girl says, "Where do you get your eyebrows waxed?" And I told her that I don't, I just pluck them and shape them myself. And she goes "Oh wow, I wish I could get my eyebrows to look like that by myself."

Ok, so what do my eyebrows being so-called "perfect" have to do with this great epiphany? It went like this. I realized in all my responses I would say, "Oh well I pluck them everyday." The only reason my eyebrows look the way they do is because each morning, even sometimes twice a day, I will pluck them. Sure, I miss doing it a day here and there, but then I make up for that later and pluck for longer. However, even when I'm running late in the morning, I still have the urge to pluck my eyebrows.

Well, do I have the perfect body or the perfect weight? No. And why should I? How many days do I really work toward having that perfect body? Honestly, right now, none. It makes total sense. If I worked at it everyday, there is no way my body would look like this. It'd be in shape. So I can't get upset with how I am now, because I'm not doing anything to change it. There's no reason it should be perfect, because I'm not working at it.

I don't know, maybe this isn't as profound to you guys, but this hit me. Pretty hard. It kind of put everything into perspective. You get back what you put in. I'm not putting in anything, so I'm not getting back anything. It's made me completely rethink why I should work out and eat better. I can only get close to perfect when I work at it. So if I really want to get in shape, I've gotta work at it, everyday. Even do it if I don't want to or "don't have time." When I don't do it, I need to make up for it later by doing more.

Starting this week I'm going to change the way I do things. Tomorrow will be my beginning post. I'd do it now but I'm too tired, long day. Anyway... so hopefully with this new perspective, I can actually get closer to what I think my perfect body would be. Because I'd rather have people be complimenting that then my eyebrows.

Update..

2009-09-02T23:20:00.001-07:00

So, my welcome back to WSU was getting the oh so lovely swine flu. Yeah. It's really not that bad. The doctor even said "You are one of the best people I've seen for having it." However, I am now stuck inside my apartment until Saturday at the earliest. I feel like I'm on house arrest. I have no problem staying in my apartment if I want to. But when someone else says I have to, oh man, it's torture. It's been only 12 hours since I've been told to and I'm already going crazy. I don't know what I'll do the next two days.

Missed a weeks worth of class too, it sucks. No work this week. I feel alright, it's just the fact I'm "highly contagious". Oh no!! Ha. Yeah and so are half the people on campus probably and that's how my lovely self got it.

So I guess in the next few days I'll be watching lots of movies and TV, maybe reading a book or two. Should probably do all my class reading, ha. Man. This just sucks. I hate being sick. And geez the test they do to see if you have influenza... it fucking hurts. My nose still hurts.

I hope no one else gets this! It's not fun being forced to stay inside as everyone is out having fun.

It all has to end sometime...

2009-08-09T01:08:00.001-07:00

Nothing lasts forever. And my time in LA is almost up. I know technically this should go in the LA blog but whatever. I just want to get this out and not have many people judge me on it.

First, any expectation I had of LA... mostly found to not be true. Minus the traffic, that does indeed really suck a lot, and the majority of drivers are assholes. Maybe it's because I'm not going to lavish parties in Beverly Hills, but this city really isn't all that glamorous. Yes, there are movie premieres. But they happen in 90 degree heat, in the middle of Hollywood Blvd with a bunch of tourists all around (okay, I know not all, but the one I actually saw for myself). Also, cockroaches crawl on the sidewalks when you walk around at night, so glamorous.

Lots of people here are so into themselves it's just absolutely ridiculous. We went to the movies tonight and had two seats open to my left but it looked like three because the other person was gone. Then the group of guys to our right had one seat available. A group of three girls came up and asked me if the seats next to me were open, I said "No, but two are, and there's one down there, so if we can all move down two then it'll work." The group of guys were like "Ohh, okay that works." Then, the lady I'm living with said "Wow, you may be the only person in this city who actually cares about more than just yourself. That was incredibly nice of you." Incredibly nice? To just do the right thing? That's the crazy thing here, people think so highly of themselves, they can't be bothered with other people. It's not everyone but damn, there's quite a few. I mean, I have met a lot of really cool, down to earth people. But jesus, some people... they really are a disgrace to the human race.

Eating out here seems all cool and everything... but sometimes, all you want is a burger and fries from McDonalds.... and you can't find one. Yeah, fast food is more rare here. But what do you have? A bunch of fancy little restaurants. Meaning, you're always sharing a bill (and let me tell you, being the only one with a card sucks because you put "whats left" on there... and you always get fucked, especially when you order the cheapest thing) and you always have to leave a tip. Eating out is expensive as hell. And everyone here eats out ALL THE TIME. I tried bringing my own lunch for awhile and eating by myself, but my coworkers would act like I was dissing them to not go to lunch with them. It's the weirdest thing. One time, my friend and I seriously asked my roommate where we could go to eat "normal food." I mean, trying new things is cool, but sometimes, all you really want is normal freaking food. Not a burger place that doesn't even have real ketchup.

Now, don't get me wrong, I really do like LA a lot. I could see myself living here. It's just nothing I thought it was going to be. It's no place to start/raise a family. It's actually weird if you know a married couple that lives in LA, more weird if they have kids. A guy I was talking to once said, "It's weird if you find a couple in LA that's happily married." That's a lovely statement, no?

I guess it's not too surprising, but a lot of LA is just a big facade. How many of the Lexus', Jaguars, and Range Rovers are actually just being leased? How many people are in terrible debt from trying to pay rent on their "trendy" LA apartment? Or how many people have their parents still paying their rent... when they're 40? I've met someone that falls in to each of those categories being here.

It's just a weird town, that is entirely consumed by "celebrities" and this fabulous lifestyle. Why do people even do what they do? Why are people lined up to eat frozen yogurt when it tastes like you're eating fucking sour cream? Because in LA, that's the cool thing to do. It's just kind of sad to see how people will blindly do whatever because they think it makes them "better." I don't care if you have a $7,000 one bedroom apartment on the beach, drive a Range Rover and have some Hollywood job... it doesn't make you a better person or change the fact you're just an absolute asshole.

Ha... this has turned into a rant. And it probably sounds like I hated my time here, but I really didn't. There are just parts to this town I don't like. I've never liked fake people and this town is full of them.

But, I know I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss the sunsets with the black silhouettes of palm trees against the downtown skyline. I'm going to miss seeing someone walking a dog everytime I leave the apartment. I'm going to miss going to hike in Runyon and getting my ass kicked, but then feeling like it was totally worth it when you look out over all of LA at the top. I'm going to miss being in a place where you are truly part of everything current that's going on. I'm going to miss the beach being 20 minutes away. The sun shining everyday. The bright flowers all over the city and the exotic plants. I'm going to miss going to the park and reading on my lunch break, getting away from everyone I know here and having time completely to myself. I'm going to miss the pond full of turtles behind work. I'm going to miss my stupid little cubicle that everyone thought was the perfect place to sit when I was gone, and how I would hear everyone's private conversations at the tables behind me. I'll miss being able to create things that people all over the world were able to see. I'll miss the feeling of satisfaction after finding the perfect music to go to your spot and fits with the cool edit you tried to do.

It's weird. Part of me knows I'm coming back, and part of me can't see myself living here more than ten years. To do what I want in life, I have to be here. I was even told, to get in this industry, your resume isn't even looked at if the zipcode isn't LA. I have to be here. I have to start like everyone does as a PA and work my way up. But part of me has this passion in me to be part of that group that creates Hollywood. I've realized I don't want my career to be about what people in Hollywood are doing or what they've made. I want to be doing and be part of the process of it being made. I want people to spend their Saturday night getting ready to go out for a movie night, wait in line with their tickets, and then go in the theatre to see the movie I created. I want them to laugh at the right lines and cry at the right scenes. I want them to leave the theatre feeling good about themselves and inspired to do whatever they want in life. Honestly, I can't see myself being happy doing anything else. I can't see myself doing anything else. I can't work in a cubicle my whole life, I'd honestly go crazy. I can't tell you how many times the thought of blasting music and dancing down the cubicle aisles crossed my mind... people need to do something there to liven things up, seriously.

I don't know, I can't see myself living this normal life. It's weird. Sometimes I wish it was different. I wish I could say I see myself getting married and starting a family within the next ten years and having some stable career job. But I honestly don't. I sort of do believe everyone is put on this planet to do certain things. I think mine is more career-wise than family-wise. And I'm okay with that. Because I know I won't truly be happy, until I make it and see my name attached to great movies and/or television.

I knew coming to LA was going to change me. And it really has. I kind of have this new outlook on life. And it's weird. I feel like I should be scared or worried. I've chosen one of the hardest things a person could want to do. Yet, I have no fear at all. I feel like this is exactly what I should be doing and that it's going to happen. Maybe that's a conceited thing to say, but hell, it's honestly how I feel. I'm not going to worry about the small details. I know it's all going to work itself out. Part of me just wonders why I don't have the urge to live the normal life. Why I can't see settling down and starting a family making me happy. Life is weird, and interesting. And very unexpected. But it's a beautiful thing if you really step back and look at it, I want to contribute to people seeing life as something truly beautiful.

So...

2009-07-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, sometimes at work, I get really bored of watching videos of people I'm supposed to watch. So then I just search other people. Today, I search Jennifer Aniston and realized how much I really like her look and style. Here comes a picture overload!

So, I've decided, after watching the premiere for Marley and Me at work today, when I go in for a trim before school starts, I want my hair to be shaped like this. My hair is basically the same length.

You know...

2009-06-17T23:57:00.000-07:00

how in Sex and the City, when Carrie says that when she's starting out in NY she would buy a Vogue instead of dinner because she felt it fed her more?

Well I guess that's how you justify passion for something.

I'm not putting this in my other blog cause who knows if someone at work can see find it. I'm not trying to sound like I don't appreciate this opportunity that has come my way, because I do. But mentally, I'm over it. It doesn't challenge me. It almost pains me to write things like "There's Something About this blonde haired Angel." It's very dumb downed.

So, I realized, fucking a, I'm in LA, why not pursue what I truly want to do? So today, I was at Barnes and Noble and I wandered into the film/tv section. Baad choice, or good which ever way you want to look at it. I stood there for probably a half hour looking at all these books. Then I had my Carrie moment. I knew I really didn't have the money to buy books, but at the same time, these books will feed me more than anything else. So I bought two books, The 101 Habits of Highly Successful Screenwriters and the screenplay to Knocked Up. I have a book back home about the format and technical aspects of writing a script. I wanted one that was more inside the mind of how to make it as one. This books seems pretty cool. And actually seeing a script like the one for Knocked Up is really cool. I'm able to pull it apart. I think buying screenplays is my new favorite thing. The next one I want to buy is the one for American Beauty. But, like Carrie, these purchases are coming at a price. So instead of eating lunch, I'll walk over to the park across the street and read the book I bought. It might seem extreme but at the same time, you do what you have to do. I don't have all the money in the world right now, and not making any income makes it hard to feel secure. And no, I can't just go get a job either, they've been having me come in 5 days a week and my car isn't doing to well with the stop and go traffic here.

But, I've realized. Writing intellectually stimulating things is my passion. Not writing stupid shit that is meant for an idiot to understand. I want to write something provoking and insightful, that impacts people in a positive way. And I will. I want to be a screenwriter/producer/director. Ha, yeah, I dream big. But that's what I want to do. Not write a silly blurb about an actor.

Giving us all hope!

2009-06-09T21:00:00.001-07:00

Ok, so after being around a lot of guys this weekend, I came to this consensus, Megan Fox is the hottest thing on the planet. All guys seem to love her, a little too much.

There she is recently. And she does look good, I will admit. Still no Angelina Jolie in my book.

Anyway, this is what she looked like though when she was in the movie Confessions of a Drama Queen or something like that, it was some Lindsay Lohan movie before she got all crazy.

Now I get she is younger, but damn, she grew into her looks. Or got some help along the way to look the way she does now. If however, we go with the fact she just got better with age, it gives all of us hope that we can go from good to smoking hot. Haha.

Positive thinking...

2009-06-07T19:11:00.000-07:00

So, I'm in LA and have been updating my other blog instead of this one. But this is a post I feel belongs more on this one.

I'm really liking LA. And what I'm doing here. It's crazy to think I'm actually here, but at the same time, feels like there's nowhere else I should be right now. I think the weirdest thing for me isn't how I feel about being here, but how other people are reacting to me being here. I really don't think it's that big of a deal, just the logical step of what I need to do to do what I want in life.

Yesterday, after talking to a guy I know, he said that he was proud of what I was doing and I was inspiring him to follow his dreams and what he really wants to do in life. In kind of shocked me because I wasn't thinking of how what I'm doing could be affecting other people. The only reaction I was able to detect so far was more people pissed off I was doing this which was weird and I just completely ignored. I mean, I don't know, it kind of shocks me that people seem to just settle. I've never really second guessed what I wanted out of life, I've always known. When people gave me shit for being a communication major, I never cared. A worthless major... yeah, try to do what I'm doing now without it. I always knew I'd get to LA. How, haha, I never really knew. But I have never thought I would just settle to live in Washington.

I feel everyone really knows what they want to do in life and what they want to get out of what they're doing. It becomes more of a do people really have the courage inside themselves to do it. I truly believe everyone can do anything they want, I just think most people get scared and stick with what's easy and they know they can succeed at. I mean, before I came down here I was thinking how it'd be so much easier to just stay in Pullman all summer, working and actually making money because I knew it. But then I realized how stupid that thought was, of course doing something new isn't easy. But eventually it gets there.

And it doesn't matter what other people think about what you're doing, as long as you're happy. I don't know, talking to people recently and how they've reacted to what I'm doing, it seems a lot of people aren't doing what they truly want in life. Instead they just settled for things that they knew they could do well at.

So I guess the point of all of that is, everyone should truly go after what they want in life. If you believe in yourself you really can do anything.

With that said, can't always be positive. My car is just one example of negative thinking for me right now. We got an expensive tune up before driving it down here. The check engine light came on halfway down the drive here. Then it went off. Then two days ago, the car just died after idling. It turned right back on. Then, it happened again not even twenty minutes later, on probably the busiest road in LA leading to the highway that everyone takes to go to the Valley, it died again. Started up again but still. The drivers here are complete and totals assholes. I don't even know what would've happened if it wouldn't of turned back on. I need to stop thinking negative thoughts though and just tell myself the car is fine and will run completely fine and I'll be able to drive it back up when the internship is over.

Here's a video for the secret that's kind of inspiring. It's totally cheesy, especially the end. But, if you're in need of a little inspiration, it could help.

LA Style...

2009-05-14T23:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I leave for LA tomorrow afternoon! Should get there Saturday evening. One of the first things we're doing, shopping. Haha. I don't have much at all that will really fit in down there. Here's some of the LA fashion I've been looking at for inspiration for how I should dress down there.

If I can find a guy like that down there, mmhmm!

I love both those looks! So casual yet stylish.

I've had this picture for so long, I love this outfit.

I love this!! I want to wear something like it.

I hope I can find something exactly like this and look that amazing. Oh yeah, to carry a Diane Von Furstenberg bag would be nice, ha.

I need a skirt like that.

I've always loved how Jennifer Aniston can look so great while being so casual.

I had a lot more of Hilary Duff but didn't save them and can't find them again. She's one of my number one inspirations for down there though. Love her style. So effortless looking, but very stylish. I love the sandals too, I'm definitely buying some when I get down there.

So, LA style. It's just casual style but somehow can look so amazing. I'm excited to go shopping. Hopefully, I can lose some weight while I'm down there and look even better in the clothes. My goal is to come back tan and stylish!

A few things I want to for sure buy down there:

Aviators
Gladiator sandals
Awesome necklaces
A couple great skirts
Casual but chic t-shirts
At least one super cute, summery dress

That list will likely grow! I'll be sure to put my finds up here! Haha, the reason for two blogs. Friends and family get the "I went here, it was cool." This gets, "I went here and bought this!!!!!" Hahaha.

LA Blog...

2009-05-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, my blog for LA is set up.

It is: lacoug.blogspot.com

Roadtrip down begins Friday afternoon. Stopping in Northern California, basically right after the border for the night. Then have 8 more hours to get to LA on Saturday! There are two possibilities my friend and I are checking out once we get down there to live at. I know somewhere great will come up. I think what I most need to be worried about is figuring out the bus system! Lord knows Pullman's gives me trouble and that town is one huge circle, haha.

Anyway, now I must go to the doctor to figure out what this stupid sickness is. One week and I'm still sick. Definitely better than I was a week ago, but still. It sucks.

I don't get it...

2009-05-11T01:41:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's a fear of the unknown, I'm betting it is. But as I'm packing up my apartment before I leave for home tomorrow, I'm actually getting sad. I don't know why. I'm going to have an amazing summer in LA with a crazy awesome internship. But part of me wants to just stay in Pullman and work at Cougar Country.

It's probably the part of me that doesn't like change very much. I like knowing that I come home to the same thing each day. I like having a place I can call my own. It's weird to give that up for three months, regardless of the reason for. I'm half avoiding finishing packing everything up because it sort of means I'm not actually doing this. Does anyone else trick themselves that way? If I don't do something, it won't happen. Maybe I'm just crazy.

I mean, I know I should go to sleep. I'm waking up at 7am. However, again, the longer I put off going to sleep then waking up will come later so I won't have to pack my car up and give my apartment keys to someone else for the summer. Maybe I have problems letting go of things that are mine. Haha, no, not maybe, I know I do. Plus, after seeing all my friends graduation pictures, I realized most of my college friends, especially in my major, are gone. I don't know. I'm having a "why do we have to grow up moment?" I guess going to LA is a huge adult moment for me. Thank god my mom is driving down with me. I don't know if I'd be able to handle going down there all alone. I guess if we're being completely honest, I'm just a little scared. Scared of being by myself in the second largest city in the country. Scared that my hopes might be up way to high. Scared I made the wrong choice. Just scared of the unknown. At the same time, I know the unknown can be exciting and exhilirating. Which I'm sure it's going to be. I'm just having my I wish I could stay a kid forever moment.

Well, I really should be getting to bed so I'm awake for the 5 hour drive back home.

Here's to growing up... and all the scary but exciting things it holds.

Busy, busy, busy...

2009-05-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official, I am a college senior!! It's kind of insane. It's like it was in high school, you always want to get to this point, but never feel it will actually happen. One more year and then I'm a true adult. So crazy.

I'm happy that finals week is over. I worked, a lot. It was really busy since it's graduation weekend. It's sad, more of my friends are graduating. Maybe it was a good thing that most of my friends graduated when I was a freshman, so I'm used to having all my friends graduate each year.

So, today I got some more exciting news. My mom asked me what I wanted for a graduation present, thinking I'd want to go to Las Vegas or Hawaii. I said what about New York. So they tried to get the time share in New York, except there's only one and it's hard to get. Well, today I got a text saying that they got the time share! So a week after I graduate next year, I'll be spending a week in New York!!!! I'm so freaking excited!!

It's crazy. This summer in LA. A week in New York after I graduate. I'm going to all the places I wanted. Ha, call me crazy, but I'd rather go to those two cities than other others in the world right now. I mean, yeah, there are cooler cities but I know these cities hold the key to what I want to do. Do I want to go to Paris? Of course, but I don't think my career awaits in Paris... just yet. One day I'll travel to all those places. Once I make lots of money, haha. I don't know, I don't feel like I'll never have the chance to travel. I know I will, I'll go to every place I want. Maybe I'm just insane and am too comfortable with that thought.

So, tomorrow I am packing up my apartment to take home all the valuable things for summer. I have a friend at work who needed a place to live this summer for a month and told him he could stay here. I'm hoping it's good karma that will come back to me with a place to stay in LA. Yeah, still working on that. Oh well, again, I know I'll find somewhere and I'm not worried. Anyway, I need to clean my place pretty well. Try to ungirly it the best I can.

I'm excited to go home. I kind of just want a day where I do absolutely nothing but watch movies and be girly. I've wanted one of those for so long but have been too busy. I guess it's good that I'm working, but a day off would be nice. I hope this next semester works out better and I'll be able to have my weekends a little bit free, instead of working all weekend. Anyway, I'm rambling now.

Oh, I think I'm going to make a new blog with no relation to this one for my time in LA so my parents and friends can follow it. I'll put a link in here whenever I make it.

I think I'm more excited to go to NY than LA, haha, is that sad?

Time...

2009-04-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

I really wish I had more of it lately. The semester is winding down and I'm busier than I've been than I think my whole time in college. Anyway, I have started about 5 different entries but never had the time to finish them. I usually decided sleep was better. So, here will be a quick update since a bit has changed.

First, my birthday is in 6 days! That's really exciting. My brother and friends are coming out Wednesday, and Irene is coming Friday! Which means I'm pushing to get everything done by Wednesday for all my classes. It's a busy weekend... but it'll be totally worth it!

Second, in 22 days, I will be leaving for my three month internship in LA!!! It kind of hasn't hit me that I'll be living in LA for three months, I don't know, when you've wanted something for so long and finally get it it just doesn't seem real. But it is! I can't wait to be in warm weather all the time and be surrounded by palm trees!! Man do I love palm trees. Just the vibe of California. I've always said it was different than Washington. People are just laid back and I think the sun makes everyone happier. I'm expecting I'll change a little bit after being there. Know exactly what I want to do with my life. So, while I do have one of the coolest internships I could get for what I'm doing. I have no where to live. And finding a place is just frustrating. I'm not one that really trusts craigslist. Plus, rent down there is crazy for one person. So I'm really just hoping that it'll all work out and I'll find something. It looks like I may end up staying in an extended stay hotel until I can actually go see and find a place.

Oh yeah, and I'll be working on Wilshire Blvd! Right in the heart of LA. I'm planning on taking insane amounts of pictures. If I have internet, I want to post a new photo everyday of somewhere I went or something I found. This is going to cost a lot, so I plan on getting my money's worth from it. No sitting around inside. I'm going to go out and explore everything!

Anyway, with talks of being busy... this is really all I have time to say. I work all three days this weekend which is leaving little time to focus on group projects, editing, working on my script, cleaning my apartment... haha, ah.

I can't wait for palm tree lined streets!

I'll be working close to here.

Wilshire Boulevard.

Santa Monica at the end of Wilshire.

I can't wait to be at the beach!!

Best breakfast ever...

2009-04-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am not the biggest breakfast person. It's just never been a meal that appeals to me. However, I always eat it since it's the "most important meal of the day." Anyway, I made this recipe a lot in the summer and just re-made again this morning, and felt the need to share this amazing recipe.

It's from Bethenny Frankel, of the Real Housewives of New York. She has videos you can find on youtube of recipes she makes and exercise tips. Here's the recipe:

Healthy Brown Rice Breakfast

Serves 1

1/2 cup cooked brown rice
1/4 cup soy milk (or regular milk if you like it)
1 tablespooon dried cranberries or raisins (I skip this cause I don't like dried fruit)
1 teaspoon sliced almonds (I use pecans because I like them better)
1 tablespoon maple syrup (this is the real stuff, no cheap Mrs. Buttersworth crap)
1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon

Combine all the ingredients in a saucepan and heat over medium heat until warmed through, about five minutes.

That's it! How easy is that? I swear, it's the best breakfast I've ever eaten. Delicious and very filling. Also, it's relatively good for you. I feel this beats out cereal any day. Try this tomorrow morning! Seriously, you will not be disappointed and probably want to eat it every morning after!

Just Be.

2009-04-07T23:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the communication symposium where I met with the guys from LA who I've been trying to get an internship through. The experience was really great and eye opening. There was one part that stood out to me more than anything else, that I just figure I should share to hopefully inspire others. I had a conversation with a guy, who is directing unscripted shows in LA, about my interest in writing for a TV show, it went something like this:

Him: So, you want to be a writer?
Me: Yes.
Him: No, wrong answer. Don't WANT to be a writer, BE a writer. Write everyday, find actors who can act out scripts that you write, find a director to film scripts you write, never stop writing. BE a writer.

I don't know why, but this just hit me. It makes so much sense. Of course you're not going to get anywhere saying "I want this." You're always going to want it, never actually have it. But saying it in a way like it's already true and practicing what it takes to become that, of course you will become that. You'll begin to see yourself that way, as will others. So, I no longer want to be a writer. I am a writer.

I also realized, this whole "just be" motto can be applied to any part of your life. Stop wanting things and just start doing them/being them. Instead of "I want to be healthy," just think "I am healthy." Instead of "I want to be happier," just think "I am happier." Always wanting is never going to get you anywhere. I don't know why this didn't hit me sooner. It's just like the secret, you have to be able to visualize having the things you want now. Because thinking that you have something so strongly, is like thinking you do have it, so it will happen. What needs to happen for it to become reality will fall into place like there was no other possiblity for what you're doing.

Now, continuing on with the secret. I believe it was again in full swing last night. Not even with me consciously knowing it. We had a scholarship award banquet, where the students who won scholarships sit at tables with the professionals who came for the symposium. It was 2 students and 6 professionals at each table. All the seating was pre-assigned. I get assigned to table 15. There were probably 30 tables for the entire banquet. Who ends up also being assigned to sit at my table? The two guys from LA. Okay, now to be completely honest, one of the guys was one seat away. I saw his name tag, sat there and thought "this is a once in a lifetime thing, why not make it better for myself?" Maybe it was bad, but when an opportunity arises, sometimes you just have to do what's best for you. So, I just happened to switch his name card with the guy's directly next to me.

Am I happy with doing that? Absolutely! I ended up talking to him about all sorts of things being related to our school, moving to LA, getting an internship, the 80s bands that toured at the school when he went, how we both play Rock Band. We made side comments during the banquet and symposium speeches. All because I decided to move his name tag. Also, them seeing me receive several scholarships I think helped realize I'm not just another girl who has some silly dream of going to LA. Proved that I work hard and was recognized for that. The director guy said he felt like he really needs to find me an internship to get me on my right path. It was really nice to hear him say that. Oh yeah, and the guy who's name tag I moved away from me, he ended up not evening showing up!

Overall, the symposium was a great experience. Minus being in heels for 12 hours. My feet were killing me by the time I got home. But, it was well worth it. I have a very good shot at getting an internship this summer in LA, incredibly exciting! It's so weird when something you've always wanted starts to become real.

So, my advice to others, just like the advice I was given: Don't want, just be.

Hair/Makeup Challenge: Day Seven

2009-04-05T23:41:00.000-07:00

Final day of the challenge, except I still have one more look to do. My final one was my retro look. Incredibly simple but full impact!

Inspiration was really any old hollywood look. Kate Beckinsale in Pearl Harbor has inspired me since high school, I copied her look then. And Gwen Stefani is a look I have always loved, makeup wise and style wise.

My interpretation:

The eye was the easiest yet, all you need is three things! Stila Kitten all over the eye and up to the brow. Sephora liquid liner in Noir on the top, winged out. I also put it on the bottom. Two coats of Great Lash mascara in Very Black. That's it!

And the most important, red lips!! I lined my entire lip with the MAC Cherry lipliner. Then I went over that with MAC Ruby Woo.

Here's the hair, I just pulled the top back, easy.

I of course love this look! Wearing red lipstick just makes you feel sassy. Wish I had more reasons to wear it out without looking ridiculous!

Hair/Makeup Challenge: Day Six

2009-04-05T15:03:00.000-07:00

I feel I've been making too many excuses for this, but here comes yet another. So this weekend was Mom's Weekend. I worked Friday night... insanely busy.. ah, not fun. So I got home and still had to clean my apartment. Instead, I talked to people and just relaxed after running around at work nonstop. So instead, I woke up and cleaned, leaving myself little time to get ready. I did get to do my makeup look, but the hair only got straightened.

My mom showed up a half hour before she said she'd get here, so I basically had to go with what I had gotten done already. We were busy the rest of the day, going to brunch, showing her around campus, seeing the baseball game, going to dinner and then seeing Huey Lewis! It was actually a really fun day and the weather was nice for a change! We also watched Burn After Reading after the concert, I didn't like it. It was a very weird movie, especially to watch with your mom. Okay, enough excuses and explaining.

Here's my inspiration picture, Scarlett Johanson:

My interpretation:

I started off with Stila Kitten all over the eye, up to the brow. Then I used MAC Knight Divine, a grey shadow, I got the brush wet and just put it all over the lid. Then I used Stile Sparkle, a gold shadow, and also got the brush wet and put it all on top of the silver. I then blended it into the crease and put the gold in the inner corner of the eye. I lined the top with Sephora liquid eyeliner in Noir. Then I used the NARS Black Moon eyeliner pencil on the bottom (ha, I don't branch out much on my eyeliner choices). I brushed a little of Knight Divine over the black line on the bottom. Then over that I put more gold. Finished with two coats of Great Lash mascara in Very Black. It took a little bit to get the look but I really liked it. The gold on top of the grey added this cool dimension in the light.

So, I took those pictures right after I finished my makeup and before I blow dryed my hair . So here's the only other picture I took yesterday, my mom and I at the Huey Lewis and the News concert!

I can thank her for a lot of my makeup and hair products over the years! Plus growing up watching her do her makeup everyday probably has something to do with my love for makeup now.

Hair/Makeup Challenge: Day 5

2009-04-03T23:55:00.001-07:00

Okay, I know, where is day 4? Well... day 4 was not good. I was up way later than I should have been the night before, it was snowing outside, I had a lot of work to do. Basically, in the last 3 days, I have created a show - the cast, what will happen in the first episode plus some plots that will go throughout the series, and then written a 28 page script. I've been busy, plus since I really hope they let us do this, I put effort into it. So, I had a whole idea for the day, I actually was really excited to do it. Very springy look, which would've looked ridiculous as it was snowing/raining/hailing. So I will do it sometime this weekend and post it. I know sort of cheating.

Here was my inspiration for today, hair and makeup, Kate Beckinsale:

My interpretation:

Eyes:

The eyes were pretty easy. I put Stila Kitten all over the eyelid and up to the brow. I first put on MAC Knight Divine, a charcoal grey shawdow, all over the lid. Then I put MAC Brown Down on top of that to give it more dimension and blended that up a little farther. I then put a thin line of Sephora Liquid Eyeliner in Noir. I lined the bottom with the NARS Black Moon eyeliner pencil, went over it with Kitten, then went over that with Brown Down. C'est tout! I put on some bronzer, a little bit of blush and then some lip gloss.

Hair inspiration:

My interpretation:

Okay, so I didn't make it as poofy in the front, but I really liked this look. All I did was curl the ends of all my hair and pulled it back in a higher ponytail. I left one piece hanging down to wrap around the hair tie. Then I left some of the front out, teased it, brushed it back with a little poof and bobby pinned it down. Hairsprayed it. Wrapped the piece of hair around the hair tie and I was done. It was actually really easy. And girls at work commented on how pretty and cute my hair looked. I will definitely be doing this one again!

Hair/Makeup Challenge: Day Three

2009-04-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been really busy this week which is why I'm posting yesterday's look today. Also, yesterday's look is what I'm calling my boring look. I had to do the news which means the makeup must stay relatively simple, as well as the hair. There was no inspiration for this look... just my news look.

My news look:

Eyes:

The eyes are really simple which they need to be on camera. The first time I wore shimmery shadow and lots of brown and it did not look good. So all I did was put a shadow close to my skin color all over the eye. Light brown in the crease and outer corner. Then Sephora Liquid Eyeliner in Noir, a rather thick line as well. I lined the bottom with the NARS Black Moon pencil, then went over it with Stila Kitten to soften the black. Finally, great lash mascara.

The news hair:

Straight and simple. My hair is actually too long for news and gets on the mic which means I have to wear it awkwardly to one side.

Yeah, rather basic look.

Hair/Makeup Challenge: Day Two

2009-03-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up to snow coming down hard and it being really windy. Well, I didn't let it stop me from doing what I had planned last night. So here is the first of a few Angelina Jolie inspired looks I'll do.

Here is the makeup inspiration from the movie Wanted:

Here is the hair inspiration, also from Wanted:

Here's is my interpretation:

Okay, so I actually had a little trouble with the makeup. This could've been due to the fact that I slept in so I didn't have all that long to mess with figuring it out. I don't have many browns, so I didn't feel I could get the right colors working. So this is what I ended up with, a brown/grey smokey eye:

Okay, I really don't know how to describe what I did. This what a lot of trial and error. I started with a base of white that was a really old eyeshadow. I then covered the lid with a lighter brown that was rather old, don't even know the brand. Then I tried to make the outer corner and crease darker with MAC Brown Down, it wasn't working well. So then I find this other really old shadow... like the oldest one I own, and I used a dark glittery grey. Then I used the Sephora Liquid Eyeliner in Noir which I then smudged out with the dark glittery grey. I lined the bottom with the NARS Eyeliner pencil in Black Moon and again smudged it out with the dark glittery grey. Ha, from the description you can tell I was messing around with it a lot. I was happy with the look though when I finished. I felt it was a subtler smokey eye. Then I just did slight bronzer on the cheeks and a pink lip gloss and that was it for makeup.

Here was my interpretation of the hair:

I just curled the ends with a 1 and a half inch curling iron. Straightened the top, then clipped the top part back. Really easy and rather quick if your hair is already slightly curled. I wish my hair was actually as long as Angelina's in the movie though!

I meant to put up more pictures but you can kind of tell my eye has a weird bump on it that I'm hoping goes away soon. It was messing up the look, so I didn't feel like putting up a bunch of pictures with it.

So far, I'm really liking this challenge. I'm finding out how easy it is to do something different. I had 40 minutes to pull off this whole look this morning and I did it just fine. Proves I can do more than the usual on any day.

Hair/Makeup Challenge: Day One

2009-03-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, so Irene and I decided to do a hair and makeup challenge for one week. The challenge? Do different hair and makeup each day of the week, no repeats. I've got to say, I'm in a hair and makeup rut. Give me black eyeliner, mascara and some bronzer and I'm happy. Also straightened hair is my go to. So this is really pushing me to get out of my comfort zone.

Here was my makeup inspiration for today, Natalie Portman with purple eyeshadow, pink cheeks and glossy light purple lips.

Hair inspiration, Blair from Gossip Girl.

My interpretation:

Purple eyes...
The eye was really rather simple. I put Stila Kitten all over the eye. MAC Beautiful Iris all over the lid. Nars Ondine in the crease and corner of the eye. Then I just lined the eye with Sephora liquid eyeliner in Noir. And of course, Great Lash mascara. Pretty easy.

I didn't like the side profile so you get the smiley face. That was how I did my hair on each side. I had trouble getting a good picture of it. Just straightened my hair and pinned the front back with bobby pins and tried to cover them with my hair. It was pretty easy.

Overall, I liked this look, I thought it was good for spring, bright and cheery.

Just dance...

2009-03-29T23:53:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like everyone likes to dance... I think that's not all true. I literally dance everyday. Whether it's getting ready in the morning, just turn on music to dance to, or dancing around before bed... everyday I dance at least once. I don't think it's that weird, I just hear music and want to dance. So obviously, I'm always looking for new songs to dance around to. I literally can dance around to anything though, I must be weird.

Anyway, here are two songs that I found recently that I absolutely love for dancing!

"Jai Ho! (Your My Destiny)" by the Pussycat Dolls. Seriously, such a good song to dance around to. I've had it on repeat for the last hour.

"Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas. It was hard to find this song on youtube, a lot of them sped it up to not get copyright infringement, so this video may not work for awhile. Search for the song though, so good to dance to!

Re-motivated...

2009-03-25T15:18:00.000-07:00

You know when you have those moments where something happens that instantly flips a switch and you decide to change? I had that moment today. I shouldn't of been too shocked but it hit me rather hard. Then I decided, you know what, I'm the only person to change this so I will right now. Start by working out regularly and eating healthy.

I'm going to use this to keep me honest. I won't put my measurements or weight, but I'll put how many inches or pounds I've lost each week. I've heard so many things about "throw your scale out" or "don't measure success by numbers." But you know what? When I don't weigh myself, I can easily lie to myself. It keeps me in check. But that's also why I'm doing measurements. While you might not lose weight, you can lose inches from toning up. So I'll be able to see both.

I found this video below on self.com and will be doing these exercises every other day. I also happened to buy the magazine with the pictures for the exercises in the video. Kate Beckinsale was on the cover, ha, so that's why I bought it. The video is moves from Jillian Michaels of the Biggest Loser. When she was 13 she weighed 175 pounds, I think that gives her more credibility.

I did try all the moves in the video... man, do they work you hard. Her whole technique in all the moves is to be using more than one body area to maximize the calories burned. I won't lie, it kicked my ass. I did it after I did the nordictrak for 30 minutes. I even tried the power pike on the exercise ball.... oh man. Did not achieve that one, so I just did push ups on the ball instead. But all the other moves I was able to do, not many repetitions but it made me want to keep at it so I can do more reps. I like that you can feel it all over your body, not just one area.

So my plan is to keep with it for the next month. I'm not setting huge goals. But I'm guessing after I keep with it for one month, I'll like the results and then keep with it.

In the magazine article Jillian gives 10 tips, here are some of the ones I liked:

- Ink your goals. Do you want to look good in a bikini? Excellent! Put it all on paper. When your motivation flags, just read your list.

- Visualize results. As you exercise, think about what you're trying to achieve. Having intention behind your actions is extremely powerful.

- Ease up. You don't have to kill yourself to get a workout. Running is one of the best ways to get smaller, but I hate it, so I do only one 10-minute mile.

- Chill out. There will be times when your couch is calling you. If you need a couple of days off, take them. You don't want to get bitter!

- Find your happy weight. The minute the Biggest Loser wraps, I put on 10 pounds. I look best on TV at 115, but I feel best at 125.

Yeah, so I guess this will have more of an emphasis on work out stuff and eating healthy. I'll be posting more videos or articles I find.

I haven't had this sort of motivation/determination in awhile, it's a good feeling. =)

Happy Early Birthday...

2009-03-22T21:01:00.000-07:00

to me!!

Over the break my mom took me shopping and bought me my birthday presents. I like Irene's idea of taking pictures of what I got instead of just saying it. However, I'm pretty tired from the drive back and didn't try that hard to get really good pictures. Oh well! Ok, so here is what I got...

LAMB by Gwen Stefani. My favorite perfume at the moment. Great smell for spring, very light. You get lots of compliments wearing this perfume too. A random boy at the checkout line in the store commented on it once.

MAC Ruby Woo matte lipstick. I got my red lipstick!! I absolutely adore it. Too bad I can't wear it everyday or I'll look like an idiot on campus. I will be finding a lot of reasons to be wearing this though! I also got the red lipliner pencil in Cherry.

BCBGirls Six Sandal aka The new love of my life!! I was first drawn toward these heels in Nordstrom because they reminded me of the heel Kate Beckinsale is wearing in that perfect outfit picture I posted awhile back. I saw the price tag and basically just admired how pretty they were but realized I'd never own them. Then, I showed my mom and said "You can get those as part of your birthday present if you want." Yes please!! So now they are mine.

They have a 5 inch heel. I'm rather tall in them. My foot has never been at that angle in a shoe. My way to describe it is I feel like Barbie wearing them. You know how Barbie's foot was always at that weird angle? Then you'd put the high heels on her and be like "No one could ever walk with feet like that." Well, I feel my foot is at the angle that Barbies is. It's different but I'm getting used to it. I'm definitely going to need to wear these around a bit before I bring them out for my 21st birthday dinner.

Break is officially over in less than 3 hours. Rather sad. I had to clean out my closet at home. Found a lot of old things... old notes (from people like "Irene the HOTTEST Romanian EVER!!" You really did write that haha), old journals, old pictures. Lots of memories. Then I felt like it was Christmas. I found a box that I didn't think had my stuff in it. Yet, when I opened it, I was greeted by my lovely silver Steve Madden heels that I'd been looking for for over a year! It also had my MAC false eye lashes, definitely going to bust those out on the weekends! There was also a pair of barely worn black high top Chuck Taylors. My green Etnies shoes. Plus two purses. And my copy of the Sex and the City novel! The novel that started it all... that is by far my favorite show, always will be I bet. Anyway, I was so excited by everything I found in that box. Made cleaning my closet out all worth it.

Anyway... I need to finish one of those four goals and get that darn beat sheet done.

Movies...

2009-03-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

Since I had some time to relax this spring break, I decided to catch up on watching movies. I'm actually horrible at seeing movies. Even with the three movies I rented this week, I had to force myself to watch them.
I recommend everyone watch Milk. This movie was amazing in all aspects - the acting, the cinematography, the story itself, all very moving. It's really inspiring and sad at the same time.

Then I'd also recommend Changeling. Yes, I did rent it because Angelina was in it, but I was actually curious about the movie itself. It was also a great movie. Incredibly sad though. I really think she should've won the Oscar, her performance was amazing. The movie really opened my eyes to something I had no idea about. Really good, but like I said, sad throughout most of it.

I did say I rented three movies.. the third I wasn't quite crazy about. It was Role Models with Paul Rudd and Sean William Scott. It wasn't horrible and had funny moments, but I found myself really bored with it.

So, tomorrow is the last day of spring break. Looking back on the goals I had set... I didn't accomplish any. Ha, oh well. I made way on the guitar hero one, but I stopped playing it the last few days. I attempted to read the book, but it's a rather difficult subject to understand and I didn't want to think that hard over spring break. I'll continue reading it as night reading back at school, that stuff can definitely put you to sleep. Ok, the beat sheet will be done tomorrow. I've been thinking about it a lot and have the entire episode in my head so that is practically half done. Just have to get it on paper. I guess I did relax a bit more as the week went on. I still need to work on entirely relaxing and throwing my worries out the door.

After tomorrow, there's a month and one week until my birthday. That countdown is also to the end of the semester. The amount of stuff that must get done before then is kind of crazy. It'll be a busy month.

I Do...

2009-03-16T17:48:00.000-07:00

not understand why so many people my age are either getting married or are engaged. I know three people who have recently gotten married (all 20 or younger) and three who are currently engaged. I find it crazy that people are making a lifelong commitment so young. This could be part of the reason why divorce rates are so high. People are getting married too young to fully understand what it entails. Maybe I'm just a person who over thinks situations and am wrong and their marriages will all last. But I'm doubtful. Maybe it's coming from a divorced family so I automatically am skeptical of marriage.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I haven't thought about marriage. I'll be lying if I say I haven't spent hours on theknot.com (where I signed up saying my fiance was Jake Gyllenhaal) planning out my dream wedding. What girl hasn't? We're raised believing in this fairytale romance where we meet the man of our dreams and live happily ever after.

Yet, I don't think that starts at 20 years old. We're too young to know what we want out of life. We haven't yet experienced all that life has to offer. I think this is a big age for people to find themselves, what they really love and want out of life. Not settle down.

Maybe I'm all wrong. Maybe waiting until my late twenties to get married is just as stupid as getting married at 20. I guess I should do an update to this in 5 years and see how many people are still married or happy with their lives. But I just felt the need to say this. After seeing my friend's status update on facebook "is getting married in 4 days!" it made me do a big wtf.

Spring break...

2009-03-15T00:05:00.000-07:00

I guess you could say it's officially day one of spring break, well day one is basically over. I was excited to be home and do absolutely nothing. Have no worries about assignments due or tests to study for. Yet, I've got to say, this first day has been so incredibly boring. My mind is going through so many things I could be/should be doing. Things I should be doing are assignments that will be due in the weeks after break is over. It's like this semester has programmed me to be go go go. I feel weird doing nothing. Like I'm wasting time. It kind of sucks. I'm hoping this feeling will go away for a few days so I can actually relax.

I'm not a person who can relax easily. Anytime I get a massage people always comment on how tense I am and repeatedly tell me to relax. It just doesn't work. Maybe I should work on being more relaxed this break... ha.

My goals for the break are:
1) Finish a book.
2) Write my beat sheet for my pilot TV show (that's an actual assignment due Monday after break).
3) Beat Guitar Hero on hard -- okay, that was an initial goal. I might be giving up on it already, I cannot beat one song that I need to to move on and it's driving me nuts.
And I guess I'll add this one...
4) Relax!!

Here's to start that relaxing mindset:

Kate Beckinsale, can I have your style??

2009-03-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

So along with Angelina Jolie, Kate Beckinsale is my other favorite actress/person I look to for style/hair/makeup inspiration.

Yesterday, I found a picture of Kate wearing an outfit that I would love to wear for my 21st birthday. That's a major birthday, need to look good!

The color of the dress, the belt and those shoes! Ah perfect outfit! Unfortunately, I haven't even been able to find any dresses in that color in my price range. Which is rather small since I'm a poor college student.

Anyway, here are some other of my favorite looks of Kate's.

While it is a fairly plain white dress, I think it's a good example of how her hair and accesories really make outfits. I need to perfect that ponytail.

I flat out just love this dress.

This is one that I would love to copy!

That whole "boyfriend" jean look is really in and I think this is a great example of a 'do' for that style.

And finally, having a husband like hers as an accessory would be nice!

Science of Sex Appeal

2009-03-08T00:12:00.000-08:00

This is fascinating!! This show was on the Discovery Channel tonight. Okay, some key points of the show...

- The more feminine you look, the prettier you are to males. Vice-versa for guys.

- The more symmetrical your face, the more attractive you appear.

- When a woman is ovulating, she is prettier because she has a 'glow'.

- Waist should be 7/10 wide as hips - consider the perfect ratio.

- Brain judges how a body looks by how it moves.

- Haha this is sad. We gravitate toward a 10 but once we realize we can't get them, we keep lowering the number of attractiveness until we can get someone.

- A lot of people match up with their equal in attractiveness but it's not everything to sex appeal.

- On first dates with a person, people aren't focused on what the other says say but how people say it and their voice.

- Guys like woman with higher voices, women like men with deeper voices. (WAY TRUE!)

- The higher voice/deeper voice means more estrogen/more testosterone which ultimately means more sex appeal.

- When women are on their menstrual cycles/most fertile, the voice is higher. Guys in a study chose the same girls voice's when they were more fertile not knowing it was the same girl.

- Woman are choosier when they choose who they mate with because they have to live with the decision for possibly 9 months, hahaha. Women search for clues of a man's status/health to see how they would be able to support them.

- Women prioritize status.

- Women won't marry a guy that's as good looking as them, but they do it in exchange for other resources that will help the marriage like money.

- When a guy makes more money, we find the sex appeal higher even if they're below average.

- The way a guy smells has a huge effect on how women are attracted to guys. When a woman is menstruating, she finds a man's smell to be better.

- All of your senses are engaged when you kiss someone and your first kiss can be the beginning or end of a relationship based on how a person perceives it.

- There's a dramatic spike in breakups around 4 years of being together.

- Men and women are biologically made to stray.

This show was so interesting. I love when you can actually learn something from TV.

Don't worry, be happy...

2009-03-01T15:19:00.000-08:00

So, this year, a big goal for myself has been to be way more positive and try to keep my head up when things look bad. I don't think I've been 100% on it but I've tried. I'm a huge fan of the Secret. People can say what they want about it, how it's just some pop culture gimmick that's making money off of desperate people. However, when I look at my life before and after I read that book, the differences in things that have happened and opportunities that arose, it's pretty amazing.

The weirdest part I think is just telling yourself you already have these things, but I had yet another thing happen to make me really believe thinking positive works. I filled out about fifteen applications for various communication and broadcast scholarships last winter. The whole time I was doing it I told myself I was going to get a few of them and get a good chunk of money. I have no clue how many kids applied for these scholarships but they were open to the whole college of communication. Last week I was told what my scholarship application results were and I got three scholarships totaling $5000. I honestly sat there for a minute just staring at the screen and the amounts after each scholarship. I had to go in to fill some paperwork out and the lady said "Oh you got the big one!!" I'm so happy I got these scholarships. It's going to help me out a lot for my final year. Plus one of the scholarships I got was to help out getting an internship in one of the top 5 markets! So hopefully I can use that one this summer to go to LA. I'm such a big believer in the Secret and things happening like this just further prove it. I told myself I'd get this and then I got it.

A big part of the Secret is to follow your instincts. So now I'm following my instinct to pitch a show idea to the student-run communication channel. It'd be based on my college town, kind of a show like The OC. I'm really excited about it. I'm hoping it all goes through so then I can say I created/wrote/directed a show in college and look how awesome it was! Hahaha. I don't know, I know you can dream really big, but tiny steps can lead you up to big things. So I'm seeing this as a tiny step to a big dream, of getting my own show on a major network.

Man, this semester has opened my eyes to all these new opportunities I never even considered. But I really like where my life could be going. It's way more less certain and up in the air, but I like that. I'd rather go this way then down a road of hating my career with a passion. People always say "You won't make it, it's such a hard industry to break into." But people do make it, people do break in. I think it's the ones who really believe in themselves and know they can do it. Otherwise, there would be no entertainment industry. So regardless of how many times I hear "This will be nearly impossible" I'm still going to go after it. It may be nearly impossible but a lot better than sitting behind a news desk everyday pretending to like reading stories about a robbery/murder/financial crisis.

Anyway, I know if I stay positive, what I want to happen will happen. It's worked so well in my student life/work life. I just need to really work on moving this positive thinking into other areas of my life that I'm incredibly negative about.

I'll be there soon. =)

The 2009 Academy Awards...

2009-02-22T21:25:00.000-08:00

I really loved them this year. That show, as well as any other award show, is so inspiring for me. I can't really explain it. It's just the whole thing that makes me want to work as hard as I can to be in that room and apart of that event one day. Oh yeah and to win an award, that'd be amazing.

Anyway, my favorite actress, Angelina Jolie looked absolutely stunning tonight!

Yes, her dress may be black but I liked it a lot more than the loose fitting dresses she's worn to previous award shows this year. Plus, this is what makes it so great...

The accessories! Her earrings... I want a pair so badly now! The green is a great pop of color and really stand out against the black. She also had on an oversided green ring as well.

Plus her hair was perfect. As well as her makeup.

Not to mention, these two together are perfection walking.

Yeah, it would be lovely to be that glamorous one day. What's a point in living if you don't have dreams? And if you're dreaming why not dream big? You never know what you can accomplish until you really try.

Time...

2009-02-16T23:20:00.000-08:00

is flying by. I can't believe it's the middle of Febraury. Where did the month go?! I swear it started yesterday. I'm busier than I've ever been in my life. It's not all that fun. Monday thru Thursday my classes take up all my time. In the last week, in 3 days I was on campus for over 36 hours... mostly 12 hour days. Not exactly fun. Then I can only work the weekends which meant I worked all this weekend. 18.5 hours in three days, plus I worked today. I find it funny, today was a day off of school but it actually made me busier. I can't normally work on Monday's but since there was no school and everyone was out of town for the weekend, I got to be at work at 10.30 this morning. Completely unfair, I finally get the three-day weekend I've waited for so long, and I end up being busier than anyone I know on it. Meaning, I have been going for eight straight days. I'm starting to get sick. I'm just tired. This semester is going to take a lot out of me. My next day off is this coming Sunday... I plan on doing absolutely nothing.

So, while I should be reading for advertising or working on my script due Thursday, instead I have spent the last two hours either dressing up in random things, dancing around in my heels and putting on turquoise eye shadow. You know, sometimes, there is nothing more I want than to be completely and totally girly. I really feel at college it's not as easy to express yourself through style because people just look at you like "You really had that much time to get ready?" I purposely don't do my makeup before class because I look crazy if I walk up on campus with a full face of makeup... or I could get grouped in with those pesky soro-a-whores. No one wants that. So instead, I opt for a less effort look. Which is why I can't wait for reasons to really do my makeup. It's my cousin's 21st birthday this weekend, there is a dinner on Saturday. I think I may wear the turquoise shadow to that dinner. It's really bold. Also really gorgeous though. One of the best impulse buys I've had. I don't even know if you can buy the color anymore, but it's Cargo.. wow it's so old that the label is no longer readable so I can't even say what the color is called. I bought it senior year of high school just because I loved the color. Now it's fashionable, I love when stuff works that way.

I want to master a braid in my hair somehow for this weekend. They're so hippy retro. I think deep down I really am a flower child who is just all about love for everyone even thought it might seemed masked inside some angry bitch sometimes, ha. Honestly though, if I wouldn't be judged, I would love to wear loads of eyeliner/mascara with braids in my hair and leather headbands with some flowy top. Haha seriously, I should've been born earlier so I could've been around in the 60s/70s. That would've been awesome. Pull off the rocker/hippy vibe.

Cher totally would've been my inspiration. Just look at her pictures from the 60s/70s. I want to rock eyeliner like that, everyday. I know plastic surgery has made her look a tad crazy now and she's the diva to the gays... but wasn't she gorgeous?! I've always loved her, I even had a Sonny and Cher tape back in the day when tapes were cool.

David Fokos...

2009-02-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

So I'm slowly getting back into photography. Tonight I was shown the website of the photographer, David Fokos, and I found these shots absolutely amazing. Inspiring really. I would love to have shots like this. I love black and white photography so much.

Visit his website to see more: http://http://www.davidfokos.net/

California dreaming...

2009-02-08T22:15:00.000-08:00

Ok so lets say I have a genie and he is going to grant me the wish of my dream house! Here is what I would want it to somewhat look like. (To give credit, Irene did do this post first!)

It's my dream house so it's in California with a view of the beach. Not actually on the beach like this house, I learned in geology that my dream house would probably fall into the ocean and no one wants that.

Yes, that is The OC house but I really do love houses like that. A pool that overlooked the ocean, yes please. Plus I would love for the back of my house to be all windows to get the great view of the ocean.

So for my living room it would be rather simplistic. I really like both of these. Just something that looks comfortable and inviting. Something lived in.

And I have always wanted a brown leather chair, maybe it is my love for the chair Aiden made Carrie in Sex and the City. My living room won't be complete unless I have a leather chair in there.

The kitchen I just want it to be huge. With my current tiny kitchen, I have realized how important counter space truly is. I love white cabinets and then a darker countertop either black or grey granite.

I loved both of those as dining rooms. My house will be big enough so I can have both! Again, just an inviting space. With a lot of natural light. Again, a lack of windows in my apartment has made me realize I want a lot of natural light coming into my house.

I think this looks like such a great office space. Open and organized. I love how white furniture looks in rooms, I think it keeps it light and cheery. I feel I would actually be productive in a space like that.

I love this bathroom shot! It's so simple and feminine. For my master bathroom I want it to feel like a spa bathroom. I've always wanted a vanity in the bathroom to do my makeup at where natural light comes in. Couldn't find any pictures of that though.

Ok so there's no bedroom shot. I couldn't find one that I was like "Yes! That's what I want!" Basically, all I really want is a big, white, fluffy bed in a big room that has a big oversized chair in the corner. A plasma tv would be nice too. I just want the most comfortable bed in the world, really that's it.

Then, like Irene, I would want fresh flowers all over the place to add a punch of color and life into the rooms. Orchids and calla lilies are my favorite. I'd also want a lot of black and white photography all over the walls, including pictures that I've taken myself.

And! No dream house of mine would be complete with a cute little german sheperd puppy!

Haha, man this post has made me really want to move out of where I live now. One day.... in a long while...

I have been obsessed with this song tonight since I was reminded of it and sent it to Irene to listen to. I think it's fitting with Valentine's Day coming up, such a sweet song and video. Bright Eyes - "The First Day of My Life" http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5rhhQbyYV0

Flying...

2009-01-30T17:36:00.001-08:00

I would like to thank the terrorists for making me unable to carry on my makeup remover/cleanser/toner/moisturizer. So annoying. I really hope by the time I get back my face hasn't revolted. I did buy some makeup remover wipes so hopefully my face will be fine. We're flying out at 7.50pm. I haven't been on a plane since junior year of high school when I flew to San Diego. Never been on a small airplane either. Should be an interesting flight. It's only an hour long so that won't be bad at all. I'll be happy once this weekend is over. It's not that I don't want tomorrow to happen, I do. I just know that I'm going to being crying most of the day probably.

So, here's a mini rant. Maybe it's the fact at college you're surrounded by blonde hair, tan clones all in their ugg boots and sporting their coach purses. (Gag me.) Okay so my major problem isn't with them, keyword major. However, it really bothers me how so many of them act like "Omg, I'm so great because I have blonde hair and am just super cute!!" Or they say things like "Blondes have more fun!!" Well.. that's nice.. except do you fail to see your brown roots growing out when you look in the mirror? Sorry, you are not really a blonde but a brunette. Oh the horror! Brown hair. I don't know, it just bothers me. When they're like "Ew, I would never want brown hair!" Well you have it, you just decide to pay over $100 every 6 weeks to try and keep people from knowing that. Oh yeah and when you are no longer a tan shade but instead orange, you have a problem. You don't look like a human. Okay, I think I'm done. Wait, one more thing. I personally think brown hair is better (yes I have it) but if a girl has brown hair I feel she isn't so wrapped up in this image of what she thinks is beautiful to go out and dye (ruin) her hair blonde. Anyway, blondes never look mysterious, just stupid and ditzy. Ok now I'm done.

Best new workout...

2009-01-27T23:49:00.001-08:00

For your butt. Walking uphill in snowboots (that feel like five pound weights around each ankle) on snow (that feels like you're walking on sand). Yeah, rather lifting for the behind region. It's not all that fun though. At least it means I get a workout everytime I walk up to campus which is at least once a day. However, I will be incredibly happy once the snow is gone, for good.

I got scriptwriting software yesterday, installed it today. It's really cool. You can assign voices to the characters so you can hear the script read to you, instead of reading it to yourself. Yes, the voices are robotic and say some words rather funny, but it's still really neat. I wrote my first script... which is more of a joke than anything. Just a funny story that arose out of my thought that having children is really awkward. It seems alien-like to have another being growing inside of you. Yeah.. it's a rather messed up plotline I'm not going to lie. But it's really funny if you get over the fact it's insanely weird/creepy/random. I have a four page script due next Thursday, I'm pretty excited to work on it. I think I might've truly found my passion... it's really exciting.

Blue skies...

2009-01-26T11:30:00.000-08:00

With a temperature of -8 degrees. Yes, I walked to class in -8 degrees this morning. My nostrils instantly seemed to freeze once I stepped out my door... it hurt and felt awkward. This cold is a bit ridiculous. I will admit, it's a bit pretty outside with everything white and the sun shining. But! I still hate it.

Which is why this next bit of news is rather exciting...
After e-mailing the director of a tv show I met at the symposium in the spring, I was waiting and waiting. He said to forward him the e-mail again if he hadn't responded in awhile. Last night I forwarded the message after sending it two weeks ago. I figured my e-mail was targeted as spam and just ended up in his junk mail. Or he was so flooded with e-mails that mine seemed insignificant and easy to just pass over.

Yet, when I checked my e-mail again last night, a little over a half hour later, he had responded. !!! He said that he was busy because he was shooting on location in Toronto. Ha, I would love that life. Anyway, he asks me all these questions about scriptwriting that were really specific. Questions I hadn't even really thought of. All of it to get to know me better to hopefully find me an internship in LA! Ahh. I'm really excited. It's something I've always wanted and has the possibility of actually coming true.

You only live once. I know what I want to do isn't the easiest industry to break into. But an internship could help me out a lot with that. I'd be fooling myself to say I wanted to do something else. I know myself, I don't. They just seem a little bit easier than this. Anyway, doing something like this is scary as much as exciting. It's kind of a good feeling to have. Why live your life always feeling complacent with what you have and what you're doing. You have to go after what you really want because it's not going to try it's hardest to find you, someone else that really wants it is going to go after it and get it. So this is me going after what I really want.. and hopefully getting it.

With new beginnings also come endings...

2009-01-20T22:13:00.000-08:00

To start my day off, I watched the inaguration in my advertising class. I was happy the teacher said this was a historic moment and we needed to watch it. I must say, Obama's speech was amazing. He is so eloquent. So moving with his words. You truly believe he stands behind the words he's saying. I must say, in the past few years, I have been embarrassed to be an American. Embarrassed of what our country had done and the way our leader represented us. Today though, I can say that I'm actually proud to be an American. I think there is actual hope for our country to get better. Not quickly, I don't even think in four years Obama will be able to achieve everything he wants. But in eight years I think our country can make real progress from where we are today.

So, with a new beginning for the US... came an ending in my family.

My grandma passed away this morning at 10.30am. I've got to say, this has really shaken me. When my parents divorced, my grandma stepped in for my mom when I was with my dad. She was always there, always sent Christmas cards/birthday cards, always watched the Mariner's games to record whether they won or lost, always knew how to make the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It's funny how when someone goes away you remember all the little things that you can't ever get back again. Okay, it's not funny but it's rather sad except I'm trying to not focus on the sad part. I'm completely void right now. I went to the store and realized I was just walking around aimlessly... I didn't really know why I walked where I did or what I even needed to buy. Also, driving while feeling void isn't good, your reactions are a bit slower, probably because you're just out of it.

I'm really sad about it but I realize this is the natural progression of life. She lived to be 82, it wasn't a short life. It's just sad to know that she's gone and I'll never be able to see her again. Also, she was the last living grandparent, so I am now at none. Which is a scary thought knowing my parents generation is the next to go in the progression of getting older. I don't know.

I found it interesting that on a day I was so full of hope for our country, I was also devastated by a passing of a person I loved. You can't have everything can you?

Three day weekend...

2009-01-19T22:38:00.000-08:00

My biggest accomplishment of this lovely three day weekend? Getting my cousin hooked on the OC and watching all of season one, ha. It is weird how entirely different people can be. While watching the OC I would notice someone's hair, makeup, lack of eyebrows being even (being obsessed with eyebrows you notice that kind of thing) and my cousin said to me, "How did you even notice something like that?!" And I responded, "I don't know, those are just the first things I notice." I thought most girls noticed things like that but I guess I am wrong.

Also, not all girls share my love of makeup. Which shocks me. One of the reasons I'm happy to not be male is the fact girls can wear makeup. Seeing a picture and copying the makeup makes me so happy. So, I spent one day watching the OC/eating pizza completely makeup-less. So the next day when we decided to go to a party, I decided to go all out and do a green smoky eye with black eyeliner to make a more cat-eye look. I don't know what it is, but I feel I look deathly ill when I go more than a day without makeup on which makes me then really go all out the next time I put it on. My cousin tells me she has decided to put on eyeshadow which is something she never does. She asks me if brown is a color that is okay to use. I thought that was common knowledge. Before we leave, she asks me to make sure her eyeshadow is okay. She said "I don't know what I'd do without you... I just don't get this stuff." Again, I don't know why I'm so into makeup and other girls aren't. I couldn't even tell you the point in my life which I decided I loved makeup. But it happened and now I feel naked going out in public with nothing on. I don't see myself being one of those women who when I get married/have children completely let go of myself and stop caring about my outward appearance. Maybe I'm just a shallow person and shouldn't care so much about superficial stuff like this. But I do, it's who I am. And who wants me to spend a day teaching her how to do makeup? My cousin, I mean I think most girls want to be able to do their makeup well. I just found it interesting.

And since we're on the topic of makeup... I am just waiting for the occassion to arise where I can wear teal eyeshadow. Hopefully a party will happen sooner than later and I can do that. It sucks when no one else is as into makeup, because when you really go all out and no one else does, you really do stand out. But what's wrong with that?

TGIF

2009-01-16T12:52:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's finally Friday. This week moved at a crawl. This will by far be the busiest semester I've had. Long days on campus. Also, joining clubs to start building up my resume will fill up my nights. The only upside to being this busy, is by the time I do finally go to bed, I'm exhausted and fall asleep quickly with the alarm going off again before I know it.

My self-defense class is literally kicking my ass. I won't lie, when we had to do push-ups on our knuckles the non-girly way and I was struggling to even do one, the thought crossed my mind to immediately drop the class. I didn't need to take it, was just taking it because my friends wanted me to. Then, I got really mad at myself. For allowing myself to jump to quitting so easily when something was hard. So instead, while attempting to hold myself up (by 15 I had given up hope of actually going down), I made a goal to myself that by the end of the semester I will be able to do those 20 push-ups the correct way. I'm going to practice them at home so I can hopefully get better faster. It's crazy though, we did a lot of stretching, some push-ups, jumping jacks, crunches, then a few punches and a few blocks. Yet, after class my arms and butt hurt pretty bad. Then yesterday, it hurt whenever I laughed because my abs were sore. I really didn't feel like I got a workout but I guess I was wrong. This should be good though, strenghten the core. Oh yeah, our teacher's goal is to have everyone doing the splits by the end of class... ha!

A goal for me this semester is to be more social. I'm not completely anti-social, but I did pass up a lot of things last semester to spend nights to myself. I'm still going to do that just not as often. Case in point, this weekend. I'd love nothing more than a day to myself where I can be lazy, especially after this week. But, I'm going to go out and do stuff. I wish I had better three day plans. Can't believe it's only week one... hopefully this semester picks up pace. I know I'm going to be regretting saying that around week 9.

Well, off to attempt those push-ups again...

Starting over...

2009-01-14T15:33:00.000-08:00

Funny how I so easily forgot about this. Also funny to read the previous posts I made. In the last year, I guess you could say that I've grown quite a bit. Which is the reason for deleting those posts and starting over new, with this.

I'm finally in a class that makes me so excited it's almost ridiculous. I'm like a little kid who's all excited to open presents on Christmas morning. The class is TV screenwriting. The teacher seems like a really funny guy who reminds me of one of my favorite teachers from high school. The class is going to be a bit hard. Our scripts are going to be critiqued in front of the class on the overhead, for all to see each others mistakes. I've heard this guy will show a ten page script with the first two pages completely crossed out. A bit intimidating. There is no book for the class, we're only required to buy script software which costs the same, if not more, as a new book. However, my dad two years ago for Christmas bought me Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting by Robert McKee. I started re-reading it last night. I'm hoping listening to the suggestions/techniques in this book, my scripts won't be so horrible and the teacher will actually say they are good. The book is regarded as the best book on screenwriting so I can't see it hurting me any to read it. Ah, I'm just so excited to actually start working in this class. It will definitely be the class to get most of my attention this semester which probably shouldn't be the case. Anyway, I figure writing in this blog constantly will keep myself thinking and evaluating life which can only help me in writing scripts.

On a completely different note: I am entirely over this weather. Trying to walk down your parking lot that's a hill in black ice is not fun. At all. Or having it be pitch black at 6 p.m. and walking down a steep hill hoping to not hit black ice. Looks like I'll be figuring out the bus schedule. This winter has only resolidified my desire to live in California after college. I do best in warm weather, with palm trees. I miss the palm trees... a lot. I'm hoping to hear back soon about possibly getting an internship in LA this summer. If I do get it, words cannot describe how happy/excited I would be. I would really be following my dream. I realized that doing something like this has always been my dream but the odds of making it are against me. I think when you want something so bad and realize there is such a high rate of failure, you kind of shy away from actively pursuing it. Giving up before you really even give it a shot to save yourself from that failure. I realized all these other majors I said I wanted was doing just that. Going to something a bit more "safe" to succeed at. But why? I was never truly happy in those classes. Yes, I liked them but it wasn't this passion deep inside of me. So I have decided fuck it. This is my life, I am the only one who is able to make things I want happen. I know the life I want and I know how hard it is to get there. Taking the easy route for a life that I would be okay with but not love isn't what I want. I'd rather give it 110% for the life I want and fail, than give up before I even try and still end up not happy.

Don't palm trees just put you in an automatic good mood? Maybe it's just me...