Maybe it's a fear of the unknown, I'm betting it is. But as I'm packing up my apartment before I leave for home tomorrow, I'm actually getting sad. I don't know why. I'm going to have an amazing summer in LA with a crazy awesome internship. But part of me wants to just stay in Pullman and work at Cougar Country.
It's probably the part of me that doesn't like change very much. I like knowing that I come home to the same thing each day. I like having a place I can call my own. It's weird to give that up for three months, regardless of the reason for. I'm half avoiding finishing packing everything up because it sort of means I'm not actually doing this. Does anyone else trick themselves that way? If I don't do something, it won't happen. Maybe I'm just crazy.
I mean, I know I should go to sleep. I'm waking up at 7am. However, again, the longer I put off going to sleep then waking up will come later so I won't have to pack my car up and give my apartment keys to someone else for the summer. Maybe I have problems letting go of things that are mine. Haha, no, not maybe, I know I do. Plus, after seeing all my friends graduation pictures, I realized most of my college friends, especially in my major, are gone. I don't know. I'm having a "why do we have to grow up moment?" I guess going to LA is a huge adult moment for me. Thank god my mom is driving down with me. I don't know if I'd be able to handle going down there all alone. I guess if we're being completely honest, I'm just a little scared. Scared of being by myself in the second largest city in the country. Scared that my hopes might be up way to high. Scared I made the wrong choice. Just scared of the unknown. At the same time, I know the unknown can be exciting and exhilirating. Which I'm sure it's going to be. I'm just having my I wish I could stay a kid forever moment.
Well, I really should be getting to bed so I'm awake for the 5 hour drive back home.
Here's to growing up... and all the scary but exciting things it holds.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I really truly do understand the fear of change - actually, I have panic attacks everytime I pack because I get so overwhelmed.
But stay calm - this is not just a growing up experience. It's your dream.
And it's scary, but it's wonderful.
You're smart and a go-getter - you won't have ANY problem you won't be able to handle.
I like that saying that God never gives us more than he thinks we can handle. I think that's so true.
If you're doing this scary thing, it's because some higher being up there THINKS YOU CAN!
Can't wait to hear all about the amazing people you're gonna meet, the hard work you're gonna put in, the sunshine, the palm trees, the weird people on the street...what you will learn....its going to INCREDIBLE!
Post a Comment