how in Sex and the City, when Carrie says that when she's starting out in NY she would buy a Vogue instead of dinner because she felt it fed her more?
Well I guess that's how you justify passion for something.
I'm not putting this in my other blog cause who knows if someone at work can see find it. I'm not trying to sound like I don't appreciate this opportunity that has come my way, because I do. But mentally, I'm over it. It doesn't challenge me. It almost pains me to write things like "There's Something About this blonde haired Angel." It's very dumb downed.
So, I realized, fucking a, I'm in LA, why not pursue what I truly want to do? So today, I was at Barnes and Noble and I wandered into the film/tv section. Baad choice, or good which ever way you want to look at it. I stood there for probably a half hour looking at all these books. Then I had my Carrie moment. I knew I really didn't have the money to buy books, but at the same time, these books will feed me more than anything else. So I bought two books, The 101 Habits of Highly Successful Screenwriters and the screenplay to Knocked Up. I have a book back home about the format and technical aspects of writing a script. I wanted one that was more inside the mind of how to make it as one. This books seems pretty cool. And actually seeing a script like the one for Knocked Up is really cool. I'm able to pull it apart. I think buying screenplays is my new favorite thing. The next one I want to buy is the one for American Beauty. But, like Carrie, these purchases are coming at a price. So instead of eating lunch, I'll walk over to the park across the street and read the book I bought. It might seem extreme but at the same time, you do what you have to do. I don't have all the money in the world right now, and not making any income makes it hard to feel secure. And no, I can't just go get a job either, they've been having me come in 5 days a week and my car isn't doing to well with the stop and go traffic here.
But, I've realized. Writing intellectually stimulating things is my passion. Not writing stupid shit that is meant for an idiot to understand. I want to write something provoking and insightful, that impacts people in a positive way. And I will. I want to be a screenwriter/producer/director. Ha, yeah, I dream big. But that's what I want to do. Not write a silly blurb about an actor.
1 comment:
I really really truly understand the feeling. I am quite famous for giving up food for magazines haha....but sometimes you have to prioritize.
I think you going to LA was good - if not for the opportunity to see something new, then for the chance to realize what you want to do and what you dont. Sometimes you have to go through things you don't like to realize what really matters.
Stay strong woman!!!!!!
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