First, any expectation I had of LA... mostly found to not be true. Minus the traffic, that does indeed really suck a lot, and the majority of drivers are assholes. Maybe it's because I'm not going to lavish parties in Beverly Hills, but this city really isn't all that glamorous. Yes, there are movie premieres. But they happen in 90 degree heat, in the middle of Hollywood Blvd with a bunch of tourists all around (okay, I know not all, but the one I actually saw for myself). Also, cockroaches crawl on the sidewalks when you walk around at night, so glamorous.
Lots of people here are so into themselves it's just absolutely ridiculous. We went to the movies tonight and had two seats open to my left but it looked like three because the other person was gone. Then the group of guys to our right had one seat available. A group of three girls came up and asked me if the seats next to me were open, I said "No, but two are, and there's one down there, so if we can all move down two then it'll work." The group of guys were like "Ohh, okay that works." Then, the lady I'm living with said "Wow, you may be the only person in this city who actually cares about more than just yourself. That was incredibly nice of you." Incredibly nice? To just do the right thing? That's the crazy thing here, people think so highly of themselves, they can't be bothered with other people. It's not everyone but damn, there's quite a few. I mean, I have met a lot of really cool, down to earth people. But jesus, some people... they really are a disgrace to the human race.
Eating out here seems all cool and everything... but sometimes, all you want is a burger and fries from McDonalds.... and you can't find one. Yeah, fast food is more rare here. But what do you have? A bunch of fancy little restaurants. Meaning, you're always sharing a bill (and let me tell you, being the only one with a card sucks because you put "whats left" on there... and you always get fucked, especially when you order the cheapest thing) and you always have to leave a tip. Eating out is expensive as hell. And everyone here eats out ALL THE TIME. I tried bringing my own lunch for awhile and eating by myself, but my coworkers would act like I was dissing them to not go to lunch with them. It's the weirdest thing. One time, my friend and I seriously asked my roommate where we could go to eat "normal food." I mean, trying new things is cool, but sometimes, all you really want is normal freaking food. Not a burger place that doesn't even have real ketchup.
Now, don't get me wrong, I really do like LA a lot. I could see myself living here. It's just nothing I thought it was going to be. It's no place to start/raise a family. It's actually weird if you know a married couple that lives in LA, more weird if they have kids. A guy I was talking to once said, "It's weird if you find a couple in LA that's happily married." That's a lovely statement, no?
I guess it's not too surprising, but a lot of LA is just a big facade. How many of the Lexus', Jaguars, and Range Rovers are actually just being leased? How many people are in terrible debt from trying to pay rent on their "trendy" LA apartment? Or how many people have their parents still paying their rent... when they're 40? I've met someone that falls in to each of those categories being here.
It's just a weird town, that is entirely consumed by "celebrities" and this fabulous lifestyle. Why do people even do what they do? Why are people lined up to eat frozen yogurt when it tastes like you're eating fucking sour cream? Because in LA, that's the cool thing to do. It's just kind of sad to see how people will blindly do whatever because they think it makes them "better." I don't care if you have a $7,000 one bedroom apartment on the beach, drive a Range Rover and have some Hollywood job... it doesn't make you a better person or change the fact you're just an absolute asshole.
Ha... this has turned into a rant. And it probably sounds like I hated my time here, but I really didn't. There are just parts to this town I don't like. I've never liked fake people and this town is full of them.
But, I know I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss the sunsets with the black silhouettes of palm trees against the downtown skyline. I'm going to miss seeing someone walking a dog everytime I leave the apartment. I'm going to miss going to hike in Runyon and getting my ass kicked, but then feeling like it was totally worth it when you look out over all of LA at the top. I'm going to miss being in a place where you are truly part of everything current that's going on. I'm going to miss the beach being 20 minutes away. The sun shining everyday. The bright flowers all over the city and the exotic plants. I'm going to miss going to the park and reading on my lunch break, getting away from everyone I know here and having time completely to myself. I'm going to miss the pond full of turtles behind work. I'm going to miss my stupid little cubicle that everyone thought was the perfect place to sit when I was gone, and how I would hear everyone's private conversations at the tables behind me. I'll miss being able to create things that people all over the world were able to see. I'll miss the feeling of satisfaction after finding the perfect music to go to your spot and fits with the cool edit you tried to do.
It's weird. Part of me knows I'm coming back, and part of me can't see myself living here more than ten years. To do what I want in life, I have to be here. I was even told, to get in this industry, your resume isn't even looked at if the zipcode isn't LA. I have to be here. I have to start like everyone does as a PA and work my way up. But part of me has this passion in me to be part of that group that creates Hollywood. I've realized I don't want my career to be about what people in Hollywood are doing or what they've made. I want to be doing and be part of the process of it being made. I want people to spend their Saturday night getting ready to go out for a movie night, wait in line with their tickets, and then go in the theatre to see the movie I created. I want them to laugh at the right lines and cry at the right scenes. I want them to leave the theatre feeling good about themselves and inspired to do whatever they want in life. Honestly, I can't see myself being happy doing anything else. I can't see myself doing anything else. I can't work in a cubicle my whole life, I'd honestly go crazy. I can't tell you how many times the thought of blasting music and dancing down the cubicle aisles crossed my mind... people need to do something there to liven things up, seriously.
I don't know, I can't see myself living this normal life. It's weird. Sometimes I wish it was different. I wish I could say I see myself getting married and starting a family within the next ten years and having some stable career job. But I honestly don't. I sort of do believe everyone is put on this planet to do certain things. I think mine is more career-wise than family-wise. And I'm okay with that. Because I know I won't truly be happy, until I make it and see my name attached to great movies and/or television.
I knew coming to LA was going to change me. And it really has. I kind of have this new outlook on life. And it's weird. I feel like I should be scared or worried. I've chosen one of the hardest things a person could want to do. Yet, I have no fear at all. I feel like this is exactly what I should be doing and that it's going to happen. Maybe that's a conceited thing to say, but hell, it's honestly how I feel. I'm not going to worry about the small details. I know it's all going to work itself out. Part of me just wonders why I don't have the urge to live the normal life. Why I can't see settling down and starting a family making me happy. Life is weird, and interesting. And very unexpected. But it's a beautiful thing if you really step back and look at it, I want to contribute to people seeing life as something truly beautiful.
1 comment:
i really like your outlook on this city....
to be perfectly honest that is exactly how i imagined la to be. i find its so fake and so superficial and unattractive to me. a bunch of people that NEEEEEED attention and acceptance. you def do not fit in with the celebrity crowd - you're more a behind the scenes kind of person. different personalities, i think.
but you know what? its an experience. you've learned from it!
i also think that the urge to have a family comes later in life....even to get married...you won't feeeeeeel like getting married anytime you decide....it happens when you are in a long term relationship and love that person. but career and family can work, i believe.
good post deary!
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