Well, with my previous posts of starting that new food outlook.... yeah, fail. Being a poor college kid makes eating healthy hard. Also, being stuck up on campus for long periods of time makes it hard to not eat fast food of some sort. I hate excuses. Of course I could find a way to make it work but it'd be hard. My goal for next year is to really plan things out. I think that's a problem, I don't plan anything. Maybe it's senioritis. I just don't have much effort to do anything. Hopefully it's a phase that'll be over soon.
So I told myself this was going to be a year where I worked on myself. And in the last month, I've done some things I really didn't think I would do or allow myself to do. I was open to a lot of new things. Felt new feelings. And to be blunt, was so afraid of what was happening that I royally fucked it up. And I really wish I could take things back but you can't. And I don't think it should've happened differently to be honest. Because I've learned more from this than I ever imagined. I now understand how something you do that you think doesn't matter can hurt someone else. And I now know what it truly feels like to be hurt. Does the situation suck? Of course it does, but I was finally able to open myself up to a situation where I had to put myself out there. And I know I can do it again and I've learned it is worth it to be completely honest with yourself and everyone else. You can only lie to yourself so long. So while most people seem to see the situation as a negative, I see it as a positive. I've learned so much and grown so much in such a short period of time. I feel I took a huge step forward and now can't imagine what I'd be like if that last month hadn't of happened.
Oh, and I now have a new outlook on songs... like this one... feel it perfectly sums up my life right now, haha.
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